This is the web Diary and I will blog whenever I feel good to blog. I don't know how blogs were classified .. this is just a Personal Diary or my own views upon things happening around me. Most of the Posts in this blog are written in Myanmar (Burma) Native Language, known as Burmese/Myanmarsar (Not Myanmese or Barmen). This blog is composed with Winkalaw Font. I recommend you to get the Winkalaw 3 (modified) from the link below.



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Myself

Have you ever think of yourself ? As you know we are some kind of living creature dwelling on this blue planet in somewhere around the small universe. If you have some sanity to compare to those huge matters with yourself and then you will regret that you had ever born. Anyway we’ve already born and lived a few years on this planet. But that doesn’t mean you are important to this planet. Then why do people bother to create such words like “Important” and also some would like to feel “Special”.

Then this essay comes up out of my tiny brain. The title itself was explained upon what I’m about to write. But you know I’m different or at least trying to be a different person. You may wonder why I need to be different and also how I will be different with the other fellow human being after trying so hard. I have very simple answer like you are reading my essay and I wrote this essay. Some people may take this as an indifferent and feeble attempt for stupid attention seeking stunt but hey I dared to do like this.

At first I don’t know how I existed in this world and at that time I don’t even know the world is existed let alone to make an argument whether the world is flat or not. After wasting a few years around with pre-written memories or speech or imagination whatever we call education, I accepted that the world is in round shape and definitely not flat. When I’m writing this sentence I keep remembering some lunatic who’s named a book like “The world is flat”. He may sound professional in his area of expertise but the way he name the book was simply stupid. But we, human being are far more familiar with stupidity. So his book becomes one of best selling book.

Some religion explain the world was created by GOD but they don’t answer the question like who create GOD. And also GOD has nothing to do with my essay. I will have to move on to another topic like how we become human. When I was young I don’t bother to find out why I was existed in the first place. Having both parents is sometime very good. They will tell you various kinds of stories and they will keep reminding you as their own offspring.

I was born in a quite big family as the first grandchild for my grandparents. They are my first grandparents too. I have more than 3 uncles and 4 aunties but a few of them died with various reasons. As a first grandchild in the whole family I don’t have any cousin to play with. So I become friendly to all adult people around me since I was young. I used to talk with collage professor about how I like to eat 2 fried eggs sitting on the table. And I used to play chess with some High School headmaster. Believe me that I used to be the winner at that time. It’s not because that I’m very smart, it’s because they don’t want me to go around and play as a rebel. Playing Chess keep me sit still on a chair for long hour.

Later in life I have no mood to play chess anymore. It’s simply I don’t like the manner of the opponent who always try to win the game. And I don’t want to stuck on a chair playing with such kind of selfish person. Anyway my school days are usual like everyone except I was in the group of quite bright kids. The school used to give me a report card which show that I am at the position One. My parents were proud of me that their first child was ahead of whole class. But I feel indifferent. I don’t care about exams and positions but I do care about my classmate. They are the first few friends who are in my age and size. I can play very well with them and unlike adult people they always want to play with me.

Playing around and messing around are the best part in childhood memories. I used to kick the dogs, ducks and geese on the way to school and some owners come to my home and make some complaints to my grandparents. But I always get away with some reasons. When I’m at the age of knowing self, I already had some pets. A few dogs, a couple of cats and a tank full of various fishes.

I don’t know why but I like them very much but they don’t stay long. They die out one by one, some lost and losing something you valued make you feel miserable, like you I felt very sad and that cause me not to own a pet in later life. I moved my interest and likeness to the toys. Toys may got stolen, left over or simply lost but at least they don’t die. I still have a lot of small toys at home ( if my youngest brother don’t spoil all of them. )

After school life it seems like all the good days are over. During school we used to calculate a few thing everyday. How many periods left to end the day and also how many days left to weekend. Weekends are the best thing I have when I was young but later on weekends are the worst thing I can’t avoid because of the full schedule of tutions round the clock.

Before I start my university I spoiled my youth and end my happy-go-round life. What did I do ? I start studying computer related things. And the worst is I like to study programming. Pascal and C programming are the best thing I ever had to study but they really spoiled my youth. I have no mood to fool around the city as I used to do before and stop talking with a lot of people because I simply don’t have time to talk to them and also they also don’t want to talk with some kind of weirdo with full of logics.

This is not the end but it’s very close to end an essay, another bad thing I did to myself was I start working when I was so young. Even my mom don’t want me to start working, I work by my own decision and that make myself more independent than before and that cause a lot of consequences such as now I decide myself for whatever I want to do. And start compromising with other peoples in life.

A lot of adult in my dad age tell me like I was working like an adult even though I was still young at that time. I became a project manager when my last year of teenage. Most of the people may think that was the best thing could happened to a young teenager. But now I realize that I can be something else .. something more stupid than being a project manager. Being a project manager I lost my soul to become a guitarist who used to play with a band. Now I don’t want to manage a project anymore.

Unlike my friends I quit from university. The result is now I am working as an IT technician oversea and still single and they get married and some divorced twice. They are having children and I’m acting like a child still wondering how I lost a day whenever I saw the sun set. Most of the childhood friends don’t know where I was now and what I’m doing. Once or twice I met with a few of them, ten years after high school. I tried to explain to them about my profession or at least the things I used to do. They simply awe the words and terms which sound very stupid to non-IT peoples. In this way I have nothing new to say to them but I enjoy with them talking old memories sometime a bit nostalgic.

Anyway this is about myself from my point of view. If you try to write about mine it will be myself from your point of view for me. Also I may change mood and feeling over times. If I write next time about the same thing, I will not write this same essay. It’s not like you can’t jump into the same river, it’s just I will simply forgot this essay. Forgetting things also as good as remembering childhood memories. If I don’t forget a lot of details I will write this essay as in first grade. I still remember my essay has only ten lines most of the lines are not telling about myself.

Similar to this essay, my first grade teacher teach me to notice the surrounding and write them down as I see. After 20 years later, now, you may find my surrounding in my essay but you can’t find me in this essay. I doubt that the term “Myself” itself is somewhat illusive or I still don’t know about me. Or I don’t have enough information to write down about me. Maybe I will try after next 20 years if I’m still alive and still remember to write a new essay. Maybe I will end up like everyone else who don’t bother to write this kind of essay anymore.

 

Kalvin

( notes : anyone who like to evaluate this essay with some kinda stupid marking scheme, especially to some ppls who're happy giving marks to ppls writings, please be simply f**k off from this page. Remember we are not in the classroom and we write as we desire ... aren't we ? )

Published by Kalvin on Friday, July 27, 2007 at 5:54 PM.

8 Responses to “Myself ( Essay or whatever it was )”

  1. # Anonymous Anonymous

    aww...everything was fine except the last paragraph, warning or reminding or threatening or challenging or whatever...  

  2. # Anonymous Anonymous

    I have never left the comment in the blogs, I just typed the previous one (aww...whatever). tnw  

  3. # Blogger Kalvin

    That paragraph was dedicated to some smart-assholes who like to tick the other's works with some marks. And also I'm afraid .. some other "SayarGyi" popping up here and give me some "Instructions".  

  4. # Blogger sunny seintin

    i liek your writing, show your strong logic view. just wondering what yo uare tyrign to say. are u tired of beign a IT geek? or jsut rying to cope for not havign a close friend aroudn you? don't think it was the worst thing for someone who learn about IT cos these stuffs are amazing and not every human can do it. i used to annoy those thing and also Not working in IT field. but it is cool:)
    s.s  

  5. # Blogger pandora

    Tick tick tick..
    Ah hmm.. in fact , u should not have written an essay in this way. Essays should be in that way. Hence, I would grade you this much. Otherwise, I could have given you that much grade.

    ha ha ha.. take it essy, Kalvin.

    Long time no visit. So I just drop by. :)  

  6. # Blogger YinWayKyal

    Hi! I am not here to grade ur essay. I like it.yep, it somehow also reflects my IT life although I m not smart like u. And one thing,I saved one of ur poems and posted it at my blog without ur permission.sorry about that.  

  7. # Blogger Kalvin

    To Sunny Seintin : I'm not trying to say anything. I just wrote an essay. But let me assure you that I'm enjoying as an IT geek and had lots of friends. What I was emphasized was losing and lost contact with childhood friends because of different profession. And I feel like I should do more stupid thing and fool around when I was young. Because I don't have that chance anymore.  

  8. # Blogger Kalvin

    To YinWayKyal : Glad u like both of my essay and poem.  

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